What?
That's not a cohesive sentence. But I've been experiencing a lot of new stuff these past few months.
One of those things is my heightened youtube addiction. Apparently when you start your own channel, you turn into a youtube monster. My brother decided that he wanted to subscribe to my channel, and I saw that as a sign that he cared, and ever since I've been bombarding him with youtube nonsense, like: "I got this really sweet mail the other day", or: "What should I do next? What do you think?". And sure, he hasn't gunned me down yet, but if I were in his position I would've kicked me out the door like the freak I am.
I'm exaggerating, of course.
That's what I do.
Another thing is that I'm getting a lot older.
Duh, you might say. But what? I didn't expect to act older, I just thought I'd get some wrinkles and grey hair, and that'd be it.
But no, I'm all mature and shiz.
And I'm confused as to whether or not I approve of that fact.
I see other people's pain and suffer because of it. That's never happened before. In fact, I'm pretty sure I spent my first 18 years in a wonderland made up of me, me and me.
Now, all I want is to help, because I feel a need to make the world a better place. If the world-suck increases, I cry.
Not exactly literally, because I hate crying. But you get the idea.
Is it better to live in your own world, or face reality?
I haven't decided yet.
Reality can be pretty beautiful too, though.
But, yeah, in connection to the second fact (my "maturity"(question mark)) I've started noticing myself in another way. And this is the worst part of all.
If I were the way I used to be then I wouldn't have had a problem with my current life situation. But as it is I hate everything about it, and that is why I will go through with the writing course starting this month, even though it's in swedish, which scares the living hell out of me.
I haven't written fiction in swedish since I was in middle school.
I just know I'm gonna suck.
And I'm making myself not care.
There is no moral lesson here. I'm just rambling. Truly.
Goodnight world.
This kind of reminds me of myself! I used to not care at all about the "outside world", the world that didn't have any direct and immediate impact on me. But then when I was finishing high school and entering university, about your age or maybe a year younger, for some reason I began to give serious crap about it all the sudden. I was watching news on TV, talking about international current events with my foreign friends(which made them uncomfortable in the beginning xD), and I eventually fell in love with politics, it was 2007ish, which was around the time when Obama really began to rise into attention during the presidential election.
I see injustice, cruelty, unfairness, and corruption in our society. But there isn't much I can do about it, I'm just a lone man, you know. But the people, when sticking together, have the power to better this world, and that is done through participating in political process, voting. So when I see young adults who say they really don't care about politics, I get pretty upset, because they are the same kids who whined "dude, George Bush sucks!"
So yeah, you probably aren't into politics as much as I do, but I think it's wonderful that you are really opening your eyes, and really starting to care! =)
And reality ain't all that bad. It's a chain of bittersweet moments, but it's certainly livable and even enjoyable as long as you have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Good luck with your writing course! I'm sure you'll do just fine :P
Well I guess getting rid of selfishness is a part of growing up, otherwise people would NEVER have children. Lol.
But seriously, I've always hated people. And only now can I say to myself that I actually don't hate everyone. And the people I don't hate, I want to support. I think that's a step in the right direction. x'D
I wouldn't necessarily say that I think maturity and politics go together, but it's great that you found something you feel passionate about. I will never be interested in politics, because the whole system gives me the creeps. That doesn't mean I won't vote, though. And I think a lot of people feel the same way =P Which is good.
... Anyway, what was I talking about?
Meh.
Same, I was always somewhat of an anti-socialish guy who really couldn't give less of a fuck to most people around me. I think that was partially because of the time I've had during the earlier stages of my life in America(I know you are a goldfish, but I hope you do remember that story :P). And for me, I think near-perfecting English and maturing up just happened to happen around the similar time. And now I give some serious damn(sometimes probably more than enough amount of damn) to people I care about. My family and friends(including you, so do me a favor and let's chat sometimes on MSN or something :D), the politicians and other political/civil rights activists that I support.
I don't think not all mature people are into politics, and not all political people are mature(Sarah Palin and her gangs come to mind xD), but yeah, my real passion isn't politics. You know what it is, it's writing. I don't know if I told you, but a few months ago, I joined a giant project of a good friend of mine who studies stage playing/film making. I worked as a script and scenario writer along with others, and occasionally as a translator. It's quite different from the usual novel writing I've been doing, but it was an amazing experience nonetheless! Her and her classmates actually got the show produced(although it was done in a relatively small scale, it's still quite a feat for university students), and I got a bit of revenue and a couple nice dates from her =D
How about you Kaisa? I know you were in NaNoWrimo contest? I tried to keep the track of how you're doing, but then I got lost O_O I'm guessing you didn't win, but were you be able to wrap up the novel meaningfully? Because that's what really matters, you know =)
... Anyway, what was I talking about?
Meh.
x'D NaNo? Yeah, I thought I'd said that. Apparently not. I got to 20000 words.. or something above that, and I had to stop. It wasn't just that I gave up, but.. I'm sure you know what I mean when I say: it was just filler, all the way through. I had enough material to write a short story, and dragged it out for way too long. I couldn't possibly have made it into a 50000-word novel. No way x'D So no, I didn't win. But I might join again next year, who knows... Probably not though, since I won't be as free as I am now. Lol. But yeah, the secret is to plan things out in advance.. stupid Kaisa.
The first couple of chapters are pretty decent though.
Anyway.... meh.
